The Terror of Mutilation Gallery

During 2020 and 2021 my mind and soul suffered fractures that I have not yet been able to "mend" properly. At the same time in December 2020 I had my first mammogram, which resulted in the urgent need to continue with the first diagnostic steps to detect whether or not I had breast cancer.  

Submerged in this new reality, my mind, faced with the terror of mutilation, immediately sought refuge in false answers, which made me delay my process until a year later.  

In addition, the society in which we currently live, which insists on decorating the truth to the point of making it disappear, has made us exaggeratedly "nice" people, where we have blurred each other's reality, in order to feel comfortable in our lies. 

 It is practically impossible to communicate what we really feel, without hearing phrases like: "but you don't even know the diagnosis, you're exaggerating", "others have it worse, consider yourself lucky", "you're sick because you don't control your emotions", "you can heal yourself, forgive yourself", "pray the rosary every day"... etc.  

The only real thing is that we are human beings and we have the capacity for feelings, a gift that we reject every day since it is not in accordance with the emotions produced by the false perfectionism of Instagram. The feeling is part of the healing, feeling fear, terror, loneliness, frustration, anger, rage, melancholy, sadness, abandonment, remorse... We have categorized emotions between good and bad, separating us from those that society sees as imperfect, or irrational emotions.  

Now I know that when we have the opportunity to share what we really feel with others, to listen and understand what others sense, the paths to healing become opportunities for personal growth.  

For a little over a year, I felt lost, alone, and abandoned, waiting for midnight to come, to lock myself in the bathroom and cry until the tears of that day were completely dried down. It was very difficult for me to find the strength to continue on my way with my next diagnostic tests and find out if I had breast cancer or not. Being able to sleep was a luxury made for others, and when I finally managed to fall asleep, a recurring nightmare became my ordeal.  

The result of my first biopsy was benign, I say first because I have a condition called grease breasts and dense tissue which predisposes me to breast cancer, so every 6 months I have to have new mammograms from now on.  

Today I live my own ambivalence, grateful for still having the opportunity to feel my breasts in my body, and at the same time with the terror that in the next mammogram they will claim them and cease to be mine as if they were only borrowed, and someday leave with their true owner.  

My first gallery of NFTs in the Metaverse is part of my proposal to help me heal my soul. I want to openly share my fears and the emotional roller coaster that I faced during the year in which I was in shock, connecting with two main purposes:  

First 

Reach all the women who are experiencing the first steps toward a breast cancer diagnosis, and serve as a catalytic bridge for all those emotions that we are experiencing, providing us with a safe place where we can feel free to express everything that we have internalized, understanding how all those thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing are normal,  knowing that we are not alone and that we have the right to express what we feel. By being able to free ourselves from all this burden, I am sure (because I have already experienced it) we will find the strength to continue this process in time, allowing us to access promptly to the right alternatives, treatments, and choices for each one of us, depending on our results and prognosis.  

A year in shock (as it was in my case) can mean the difference between life or death. 

Second 

Contribute my grain of sand to the construction of a more empathic world, whereas a human being allows him/herself to see and feel the other with their own realities, understanding that my fellow ones need me without judgments, prejudices,  or cheap tips,  that surely only requires a sincere hug and a respectful silence.  

To finish, I invite you to enter my gallery "The Terror of Mutilation", to share with others who live this experience, I await your comments. You can make them public or private. Please remember the audio. I have created a special environment to allow your emotions to be released.  

Thank you, thank you, thank you.